One part Ennui

One part Ennui,
To a base of me,
Add a dash of self loathing,
Bring to boiling,
Whip into a foment,
And add just a hint,
Of unassailable hope there,
and to taste an abyss of despair,
Stir in disappointment,
Just a touch of faith as solvent,
To dissolve a medley of internal conflict,
And a moral code most strict,
A quart of questions unanswerable,
With a fresh pinch of fear of following fable,
Cool in the fridge with some logic and reason,
Add some discipline to season,
And hide it all inside,
An eggshell thin layer of pride,
And stoic resolution,
To contain this volatile solution.
Who and what am I?
I wish a true taste before I die.